Self-Rejection

This is not something I would usually want to talk about. But something happened that had made me to unwittingly cast myself into this pit. Something that may be considered as a large slap in the face, but actually, it’s just part and parcel of one’s own development, as long as it doesn’t involve the life and dignity of someone else. My reason being if I can’t actually do this simple little thing properly, how am I supposed to do it big?

Success is not measured by how much one has attained or gained, but more of how many people one can help to do the same thing. I have no qualms in actually ringing up my mentor of 9 months, whom I have placed full trust since Day 1, some 400 kilometers away from where he is. I told him I wanted to do it all over again, at the very least set that little thing right before moving on to something big.

Looking back at my cell phone call register, I realize we have talked for about 45 minutes. Well, I guess that’s a true friend for you, who’s willing to help you to analyze things with a cool mind, going into details and telling you how you should deal with it rather than cast oneself into self-rejection. One thing that didn’t cross my mind then was “If I had actually rejected myself, wouldn’t I have rejected how my other faithful friends and partners looked at me so favorably?” They did not give up on me, but giving up on oneself could be very much the scariest thing ever.

Despite my achievement being yet anywhere close to that of my mentors’ as I was only a greenhorn of less than a year, but I was recognized as a leader for my abilities and camaraderie, not by comparison of my level of achievement with theirs, because human dignity is placed above anything else in this circle. As I was writing this, I recalled how Madam Zheng Wenfeng said, “Careers have never been classified as that of high or low standard, but definitely all matters can be differentiated by the values they represent.” The values emphasized within this circle itself are the ones that have constantly attracted me to continue to remain in it because it is where I seek solace and it is where I seek answers to my questions.

“Are you telling me that you are denying what you have done and contributed in the past?” Committing mistakes is part and parcel of life, of growth and self-development and progressive learning, as long as it didn’t involve taking someone else’s life. I have somewhat exploded the whole matter into a big issue, when it was actually just a small one to get over with. Like how Mr. Lee Yin Chuan described, “When one tends to enlarge problems, dreams will distance themselves.” Recalling how the older mentor of my mentor actually dissuaded him from shutting up himself due to a loss, I was told to “come back”…

Tears To An Event of Nearly 1 Year Ago...

When was the last time you seen this scene? Of people who mostly do not used to know each other at all, came to know each other under a wonderful oppotunity, congregating at this place, linking and waving hands, singing one song in unison, full of emotion and energy. Even the people who do not know the language of the song are influenced to tune into the same motion.



The song goes like this:

这些年 一个人 风也过 雨也走
All these years, being alone, braved through winds and rain
有过泪 有过错 还记得坚持甚麽
Tears have flowed, made mistakes, still remembered what I persisted for

真爱过 才会懂 会寂寞 会回首
Truly loved and understood, felt alone, looking back
终有梦 终有你 在心中
Realized finally, I have dreams and you in my heart

朋友一生一起走 那些日子不再有
Friends walk together throughout life, those days will never be again
一句话 一辈子 一生情 一杯酒
One sentence, forever, cheers to our relationship
朋友不曾孤单过 一声朋友 你会懂
Friends will never be alone, by the word 'friend' you will comprehend
还有伤 还有痛 还要走 还有我
Sorrow and pain endured together, I walk together by your side


* These snapshots were captured from the recording of the event that took place at Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil in June 2008. I was not present at that time.

GET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE! ARGH!!!!

I’m like a canary whose life is committed inside a cage. Although I’m being fed properly with seeds and water everyday, but it’s always the same thing. I have to continuously take good care of the feathers on my body so that I continue to look shiny and beautiful. Sometimes, it takes a few more twitters and a few more melodious tunes to earn something extra and something different from my owner. But I can’t possibly do this everyday or my throat will expire itself before it is supposed to. In the end, I just have to contend with the same seeds and plain water everyday and only get the extras once in a while.

But in God I shall believe, I shall one day bring down, crumble, damage or destroy the cage bars that surround and enclose me to spread my wings and soar high up in the sky. And until that day comes, I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP!