Self-Rejection

This is not something I would usually want to talk about. But something happened that had made me to unwittingly cast myself into this pit. Something that may be considered as a large slap in the face, but actually, it’s just part and parcel of one’s own development, as long as it doesn’t involve the life and dignity of someone else. My reason being if I can’t actually do this simple little thing properly, how am I supposed to do it big?

Success is not measured by how much one has attained or gained, but more of how many people one can help to do the same thing. I have no qualms in actually ringing up my mentor of 9 months, whom I have placed full trust since Day 1, some 400 kilometers away from where he is. I told him I wanted to do it all over again, at the very least set that little thing right before moving on to something big.

Looking back at my cell phone call register, I realize we have talked for about 45 minutes. Well, I guess that’s a true friend for you, who’s willing to help you to analyze things with a cool mind, going into details and telling you how you should deal with it rather than cast oneself into self-rejection. One thing that didn’t cross my mind then was “If I had actually rejected myself, wouldn’t I have rejected how my other faithful friends and partners looked at me so favorably?” They did not give up on me, but giving up on oneself could be very much the scariest thing ever.

Despite my achievement being yet anywhere close to that of my mentors’ as I was only a greenhorn of less than a year, but I was recognized as a leader for my abilities and camaraderie, not by comparison of my level of achievement with theirs, because human dignity is placed above anything else in this circle. As I was writing this, I recalled how Madam Zheng Wenfeng said, “Careers have never been classified as that of high or low standard, but definitely all matters can be differentiated by the values they represent.” The values emphasized within this circle itself are the ones that have constantly attracted me to continue to remain in it because it is where I seek solace and it is where I seek answers to my questions.

“Are you telling me that you are denying what you have done and contributed in the past?” Committing mistakes is part and parcel of life, of growth and self-development and progressive learning, as long as it didn’t involve taking someone else’s life. I have somewhat exploded the whole matter into a big issue, when it was actually just a small one to get over with. Like how Mr. Lee Yin Chuan described, “When one tends to enlarge problems, dreams will distance themselves.” Recalling how the older mentor of my mentor actually dissuaded him from shutting up himself due to a loss, I was told to “come back”…